Halloween 2 review

Halloween 2 is a gratuitously violent film absent of any genuine suspense. Not that I expected any less of a Rob Zombie film, but I was hoping he could maybe he could bring some legitimacy to this re-make.

In a pathetic attempt that seems like it took all but five minutes to conceive, Zombie psycho-analyzes Michael Myers’ motive for his relentless pursuit of his sister, Laurie. Both characters performances, Laurie and Myers’ doctor, Sam Loomis, pale in comparison to their predecessors Jamie Lee Curtis and the late Donald Pleasance. What contributed to Loomis’ less than stellar performance was his inconsistent attitude; the doctors’ insincere, greedy and selfish personality miraculously transforms near the films’ climax, with no foreshadowing.

Speaking of the climax, it was predictable and unoriginal, that is, if you pretend Halloween 4 doesn’t exist. Additionally, several parts of the movie were dream sequences, a great way of exploiting the viewers’ intelligence. Furthermore, the time references were inconsistent: black and white televisions, rotary phones, widescreen televisions and Weird Al. The dialogue didn’t help alleviate this confusion, either, which was horrible in its own right. Who uses the phrase “Slow your roll,” now or in the 1970s?

Another cringe-worthy note is that this film was way too long. This flick could have been easily knocked down to 90 minutes if the antagonist hacked and slashed his victims less than 84 times. And what was with the added sound effects? Michael Myers sounded like he was training to be a pro wrestler. You wrestling nerds know what I’m talking about. And for all of you Halloween diehards, I realize Michael has been known to breathe quite heavily, especially in the original Halloween, but this was outright grunting.

To my knowledge, this is the first re-make of a horror sequel. If this movie is indicative of any future horror sequel remakes, I urge you to save your money. For all of you mindless gore lovers, the only positive I can see with this movie is that it outdid the original Halloween 2 in the slasher department.

1 slowed roll out of 5